Sunday, September 7, 2008

New Element Found by Scientists

Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

In addition, the reaction Governmentium -> Administratium is irreversible. The ultimate conclusion then becomes: all money is consumed and all peons become morons. At that point all matter becomes Poilticium, and they reach a state of Nirvana in which work does not exist, and they all live off the wealth of the “rich” (which is assumed inexhaustible).

*Entry courtesy of Daniel Rudnick, my brother-in law who has some very shrewd experience with the government himself. Unlike my other posts, I am not the author of this entry, I'm just passing it along.

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